Unionizing Efforts of Florida's Bravest Toddlers Organize General Tantrum

TALLAHASSEE–Florida’s bravest toddlers have launched a general tantrum in protest of unfair working conditions that organizers say are, “big no-nos causing lots of booboos.” Among the list of grievances are having to share, not getting to nap when they want to, being forced to nap when they don’t want to, and the fact that they have to work at all. This all started, of course, due to a rollback in child labor protections in an effort to cover shortages that resulted from the immigration crackdown.

We caught up with the leader of the movement, Liam, and asked him a few questions:

INTERVIEWER: “Hi, Liam, it’s nice to meet you. Can you tell me how old you are?”

LIAM: “I’m twee yeaws owld.”

INTERVIEWER: “Well, you’re holding up five fingers, but alright. A lot has led up to this moment, Liam, can you tell us how we got here?”

LIAM: “My mom dwove me in a caw…”

INTERVIEWER: “…thanks, Liam. We’re gonna cut, this kid’s giving me nothing.”

Later in the day the protests grew violent, with protestors having to be hauled off kicking and screaming by their parents, their cries and stomps echoing throughout the downtown area. Flaming molotov babas and sippies rained down on local riot police, leaving 80% of their bodies with permanent owies. Sources say they have been sentenced to indefinite time out at Naptonomo Bay in what toddler activists are calling a breach of civil wiberties.

In light of the violence at today’s protests, the federal government has responded by claiming their union strike is illegal and President Ronald Reagan has signed an executive order firing all toddlers and banning them from ever working as toddlers in the U.S. again.

Meet the Author!

RICK IDAHO

is a comedy writer based in Chicago. His hobbies include writing, making people laugh, and sticking it to the man. He is the founder of thedunce.fun and hopes you enjoy it.

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