Trump Sends Letter Demanding Santa Relinquish North Pole After Being Denied Spot on Nice List

WASHINGTON D.C.—Sources inside the White House say President Donald Trump has joined the war on Christmas on the side of war after sending a letter to Santa demanding he give the North Pole over to the United States, citing national security concerns. The letter stated the President felt no obligation to be nice after having been denied a spot on the nice list this past Christmas. Trump also raised concerns over Santa’s ability to defend the global supply of Christmas presents from threats such as “the Chinese version of Santa Claus, the little fat happy Buddha guy next to the fortune cookies at restaurants, and the Russian version of Santa Claus, Rasputin.”

“I have done more for Santa Claus than any other person. You know people were saying Happy Holidays before I became President? Did you know that? I got them to start saying Merry Christmas again,” the President remarked to reporters continuing, “Santa should do something for me. I sat on his lap, I played his game and asked for the Nobel Peace Prize, and he still chose to send me coal.”

At press time, the White House informed reporters Trump had backed down on his threats to nuke Santa Claus and will instead impose a 10% tariff on all elf made goods.

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