To ALL Grandparents Sending Money to Dorms - PLEASE - Always Send Cash.

And Sign, And Lick, Annnnnnnd Seal. Done!

September has rolled around and that means hundreds of Marys and Toms, Dougs and Susans, Ellens and Mikes are gathered around the envelope getting ready to send that cardinal gift of between 50-100 dollars to their grandchild who is currently enrolled in an institution of higher education. Unbeknownst to these bleeding hearts their beloved has changed residence halls this year, so the money will never make it to them. HOWEVER, It will make it to ME!

Every September I am blessed by grandparents across the country sending money to my apartment - in my eyes “Eloise VanArtsen” and “Dallas Rodney” sacrificed the rights to their mail as soon as I moved in, I simply looked at the address, saw mine and thought “good enough”. However, sometimes when I am pillaging through the mail I am confronted by a most unfriendly face - a check. Are you joking? What am I supposed to do with this? 100 dollars just out of reach because I’m not “Danica Sandeski”? I’ll open others' mails and steal the money but I can’t do anything that could get me in any traceable trouble? It’s just a huge inconvenience to me who could ALSO use that money - probably more than your bitch ass grandkid, honestly, and at least with me it’s giving blindly and getting you into heaven or getting you good karma or whatever??

At the end of the day let us please remember that old adage “Cash is King” because it is. I can be your “Trey Cousins 99 N Wayne Apt 1205 Chicago IL 60614” tonight - as long as you stop sending checks to dorms.

Meet the Author!

VIVIENNE CASALETTO

is a tender lover of the earth and a stand up comedian. She loves to wear suits, gesticulate and make the nation smile if not laugh a little bit. You can find her riding the Amtrak between Grand Rapids and Chicago; where she will be in a window seat with a heart full of stories to tell and a mind eager to be filled with yours. Vivienne has complex feelings about motherhood and a tumblr. @jahrethhsalljahmericanparadiso.
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