Terrified Woman Fined £150 For Summoning 'Caffeine Demon' Into Public Sewer

KEW, UK—In a shocking prelude to All Hallows' Eve, local resident Burcu Yesilyurt was issued a hefty £150 fixed penalty notice this week for the unsanctioned summoning of a minor nether-region beast by pouring a latte dreg into a storm drain.

The incident occurred at a bus stop, where witnesses say Yesilyurt performed the dark ritual in broad daylight. "I saw her! She muttered, 'I really need this bus,' and then she tilted her cup," recounted the horrified onlooker. "A stream of what the town council now identifies as 'forbidden mocha pumpkin all spice liquid' cascaded into the gully. Almost immediately, we heard a faint gurgling sound and smelled the scent of damned ambitions."

3 Peace Officers from the Richmond Council Anti-Sorcery Unit arrived within seconds, emerging from an unmarked van to confront the alleged arcane offender.

"We take this very seriously," said a council spokesman, his face obscured by a shadowy hood gravelly voice. "Unauthorized liquid offerings can disrupt the delicate balance of our public utility systems, awakening things that should never be awoken. That drain leads directly to the River Thames, not a water treatment facility. We cannot have just anyone casually unleashing java-elementals into our ecosystem."

Yesilyurt, still shaken, defended her actions. "I was just trying to not spill it on the bus! I didn't know I was accidentally creating a portal for a being sustained by almond milk and existential dread. The officers were quite intimidating. They suggested I should have poured it into a garbage can, which is apparently a council-approved method for trapping minor spirits in a plastic prison."

The fine was issued under Section 666(b) of the Environmental Protection & Demon Summoning Act 1990. The council confirmed that repeat offenders who graduate to pouring chai or, heaven forbid, a flat white, could face steeper penalties and possibly a mandatory exorcism.

At press time, reports are coming in of a sludgy, tentacled creature spotted near Hammersmith Bridge, demanding a pastry and complaining about the Wi-Fi. Council officials have named it "The Barista of Doom" and are advising the public that all leftover hot beverages must be disposed of in designated holy water fonts, available for a small fee at all council offices. And Hail Samhain!

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GEOFFERY KINSEY

is a writer, producer, online provocator, alchemist, & moviewhore. Hailing from Vancouver Canada but now NYC tri-state based. He loves helping people and getting all the help he can.

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