School Cafeteria Menu Typo Prompts Every Boy to Order Cookies and Milf

SPRINGFIELD–Look! At the school cafeteria! It’s a PTA meeting! It’s a bake sale! No, it’s hundreds of MILFs! Chaos erupted this morning after hundreds of moms were mistakenly delivered to the Springfield High School cafeteria, leaving thousands of children unsupervised. The mix-up reportedly stems from a cafeteria menu typo, which prompted 100% of the male student body to order “cookies and milf.”

We interviewed the manager of the cafeteria, Cooter Splevins, to find out what happened. The interview is transcribed here:

INTERVIEWER: “So, this is your cafeteria, correct? As head chef-”

COOTER SPLEVINS: “Head lunch lady.”

INTERVIEWER: “I’m sorry?”

COOTER SPLEVINS: “I ain’t no head chef or nothin’, I’m head lunch lady. I ain’t ashamed to be a lady, the sisterhood’s been good to me.”

INTERVIEWER: “...my apologies. As head lunch lady, you make the menu and order the food, how could this mistake happen on your watch?”

COOTER SPLEVINS: “I have no got dang idea. One minute I’m just preparing the menu and the food order while brewing my moonshine in the cafeteria, the fumes get a little strong and the next thing I know I wake up surrounded by hundreds of MILFs. Okay, hearing out loud I may have been the cause, that's my bad. But I’m not going down alone! I only prepare the food order, the main office has to approve it, and ever since Principal Cockburn hung himself on the jungle gym from the students bullying him over his name, Miss Tandie, the head of the PTA, has been the real power behind the throne. But you ain’t hear it from me.”

End of Interview

We caught up with Tandie Willcott, head of the PTA, to ask her about these rumors. The interview is transcribed here:

INTERVIEWER: “Good morning!”

TANDIE WILLCOTT: “Okay, fine! I admit it! It was me! I saw the typo on the food order and knew Old Man Cooter probably fainted from moonshine fumes again. I knew I shouldn’t order the MILFs, but I saw my name on the list and…well…I liked it! My husband is deployed and none of the Jodys' like me. I wanted to feel wanted. If wanting to be an object of desire makes me a monster, then take me away.”

End of interview

At which point Mrs. Willcott was taken away, because you’re only allowed to be a MILF in the eyes of people over the age of eighteen.

She was sentenced to death.

Meet the Author!

RICK IDAHO

is a comedy writer based in Chicago. His hobbies include writing, making people laugh, and sticking it to the man. He is the founder of thedunce.fun and hopes you enjoy it.

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