“Oh Shit, is That Today?” Says Treasonous American That Has Forsaken Solemn Oath to Never Forget

CHICAGO, IL—A local man, identified as Cooter “Sloopy” Splevins, has sparked outrage in the community after forgetting that today is the anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Reports indicate he only realized he had forsaken his oath to never forget after being informed of a Lighter Fuel Melts Dank Blunts sale at the checkout counter of his local dispensary.

“I don’t know man, I like, smoke a lot of weed, so memories can be hard to come by. Nothing personal. I forgot 9/11 just like I forgot my nuggets in the microwave for five hours yesterday. It happens. Sorry for all the trouble I caused. My thoughts and prayers go out to the victims' families. I hope we get the son of a bitch that did this. Truly.” Mr. Splevins said, responding to the outrage.

Members of the community responded harshly to Mr. Splevins’ statement, with one local freelance massage therapist, and self-described patriot, by the name of Booch Hollard having this to say, “I think we should 9/11 him and then forget it. See how he likes it.”

At press time, reporters noted Mr. Splevins was also informed by the checkout counter of his birthday discount, to which he responded, “Woah, today's my birthday? Whoops, I guess I forgot.”

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RICK IDAHO

is a comedy writer based in Chicago. His hobbies include writing, making people laugh, and sticking it to the man. He is the founder of thedunce.fun and hopes you enjoy it.

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