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New Utah Jazz Recruit Having Trouble Dribbling In 16th Notes

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Ben Van Hook

9/2/20251 min read

New Jazz recruit, James Morris, is having trouble finding his place in the Utah NBA team citing issues with the 16th note dribbling time signature. “These new guys come [to the NBA] thinking it will be like college and they get here and can’t even improvise between scales” said Will Hardy, the head coach of the Utah Jazz, as he selected vinyl records from Dizzy Gillespie and The Dave Brubeck Quartet for Morris to study. Morris was a second round draft pick for Utah, picked up for his 3-point shooting ability and three years experience playing alto saxophone in his middle school jazz band. “If [Morris] wants to stay here, we have to see a major change from him. Last week he had to sit out the last half of practice because he didn’t bring a backup reed.” Utah’s front office did not confirm the rumors that they are looking to replace Morris with a member of the Juilliard men’s basketball team.

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BEN VAN HOOK

started writing satire because being rude in public wasn’t enough. He’s 26 years old and performs improv and sketch comedy in Chicago. He loves back scratches. He has all his shots and has been chipped. Potty training still required. $27.

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