My Haunted Roommate

It was a dark and stormy night when my new roommate moved in. I was looking forward to us living together, until I realized they were haunted.

It started out small, just little unexplained occurrences. Dirty dishes would appear in the sink that belonged to no one. Kitchen cabinets left open when he swears he closed them. My five dollars disappearing from my wallet and appearing in his wallet with no logical explanation as to how that could have happened. Spooky stuff like that.

At the same time every day ghastly vapors and foul odors would emit from his room and permeate the apartment. It always started with a clicking sound, followed by bubbling noises, and then heavy coughs, and was always at 4:20 pm like clockwork every day; commonly referred to as the day-time witching hour. Clear signs of witchery. I had to investigate further. One day, when he was at work, I decided to look for clues in his room. I went to search his wastebin and my worst fears were realized; tissues covered in ectoplasm. He had clearly been discharging it for weeks.

I write this to you, Pope Leo, in the hopes that you will retroactively bless what I am about to do. He’s brought his first victim back to the apartment to demonically possess. Even now, I hear her as she cries out for her saviour “Oh God, Oh God, Oh God.” He must have revealed his true demon form, I just heard her say “you’re so big.”, and now the ritual must be starting because our shared wall is beginning to shake. Now I must save her before she is implicated in his dark pact. I must exorcize this demon, even if it may cost me my life. She just said, “I’m close”, the ritual must almost be complete. I need to act fast. If I don’t make it back, I want you to tell everyone what I tried to do here today. That today, a hero died trying to protect an innocent Christian girl from the forces of evil.

God, I say this final prayer in the hopes that you will bless my mission. I think it would be really cool if you blessed me to be able to kick down the door, back flip into the room, say a cool catch phrase, blast the demon with holy spirit vision, and then the girl becomes my girlfriend. Amen.

Meet the Writer!

RICK IDAHO

is a comedy writer based in Chicago. His hobbies include writing, making people laugh, and sticking it to the man. He is the founder of thedunce.fun and hopes you enjoy it.

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