I Want a Skims Bathing Suit

I saw it in a late-night haze. A beautifully minimalistic advertisement, shining out of the chaos of obnoxiously edited YouTube thumbnails. A sight so beautiful I couldn’t get it out of my head even after selecting Good Mythical Morning to accompany my midnight snack. Two words: Skims bathing suit. Then I thought these three words to myself: I want one. Then I thought five even more specific words: I want the blue one.

I don’t consider myself to be easily influenced–sure I’ve bought a couple nail polishes straight from Instagram ads, but that doesn’t count; they know what colors I like! However, this Skims bathing suit. It looked delicious like food on a plate in front of you, but you don’t eat it, you wear it. If watching Rhett & Link trying novelty foods makes me hungry, this suit made me starving.

Seeing this suit I felt hope, for the first time in a long time, that I could have the summer of my dreams; be That Girl at the beach. I’ve always desired beach attention and I thought this bathing suit’s undeniable blueness could even cancel out the fact that I’m there with my parents. But then, something devastating came to my attention. One number: 62. That’s the number of dollars this bathing suit costs. “And just like that” my summer sex fantasies were dashed into two pieces (Bradshaw). Ugh, two pieces? Like the two-piece swimsuit that once was? Everything reminds me of what almost was. My summer is ruined, and I am crushed.

I wanted a Skims bathing suit. I’m not even a Kim stan, and I’m even less of one now. 62 dollars Kim? How much richer do you want to be? When will you finally have enough to satiate your monumental greed? You disgust me. I will not be supporting Skims by buying their bathing suit this summer. Is that due to me not being able to afford it or is it out of principle? Yes.

Meet the Writer!

Liberty-Bell

is a writer and performer from Austin, Texas currently living and loving in Chicago. LB loves doing improv, musical theatre, and other loud, off-putting things. She’s proud to be performing with her sketch-group Man Overboard and is the current President of Columbia College Chicago’s Improv Club & Team (Full Ride$). Liberty-Bell enjoys teaching children about theatre and the performing arts during the summer, mostly because it makes her feel smart. Liberty-Bell loves you.

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