GOD REVEALS HE HATES YOUR FAVORITE SPORTS TEAM AND LOVES YOUR RIVAL

HEAVEN, NJ—Following yet another heartbreaking loss for your team, God has finally revealed that he hates your favorite sports team and loves your rival.

“I can’t stand them,” God admitted, “Everything they do pisses me off. I can’t explain why. It just does.” This comes on the heels of yet another terrible free agent signing, bust of a draft pick, and losing season. Meanwhile, your rival has once again made the playoffs. “Oh yeah, I love those guys!” God said with a grin. “Man, they’re the best.”

God went on to say that he felt it was his duty as a lifelong fan to make everything easy for them all of the time. “We really appreciate the support” said the General Manager of your rival team with a grin. “It’s nice to know that no matter what we do, things are always going to work out well for us.” This comes in stark contrast to your team, which, outside of that one good season twenty years ago, has been the laughingstock of the league for most of your life.

Though your team had a good offseason and have some promising young players, God has assured us that it will crash and burn in the long run. “I don’t know why this is surprising,” said God, “Your team has been terrible for years. Didn’t you ever stop to think why?”

Meet the Author!

WILL KISOR

is an award-winning screenwriter from Arlington, Virginia, although he currently lives in the great state of denial. He began writing comedy scripts because it's, and I quote, "way funnier than the serious stuff." That mentality is what led Will and his co-writer, Gage Swanston, to create Priam’s Productions, a company that one executive called, "proof that there is no God." With that in mind, you should check it (and the rest of their work) out.

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