Evil Scientist Dr. Frankenstein Says He Regrets Creation of Joe Rogan

TRANSYLVANIA–NO, WAIT, THAT MIGHT BE DRACULA–GERMANY? SURE, GERMANY–In a rare moment of a scientist reckoning with his creation, similar to Oppenheimer’s regret over the bomb, the evil scientist, Dr. Viktor Frankenstein, has released a statement expressing regret over the creation of Joe Rogan. The doctor states in his apology that Joe Rogan was an experiment gone rogue after he tried to forcibly evolve a chimp into a man using DMT and protein powder.

“Imagine my astonishment when my half-baked man-chimp experiment invented podcasting with nothing but DMT induced sentience and Fear Factor residuals.” Viktor reflected, then added, “It’s interesting, I also made a man out of the parts of dead corpses, and he turned out completely normal. He's muh boy. I show no love to this man-chimp.”

In an effort to repent for his past mistakes, Dr. Frankenstein announced his retirement from evil science stating “I will give back to the community by moving to America and using my medical knowledge to enhance the breasts of the women of Beverly Hills.”

Dr. Frankenstein is unique in this regard, as there has long been a lack of responsibility in the field of evil science. Notably, Dr. Herbert West, the “Reanimator”, has to date never apologized for his creation of whatever the hell Suge Knight is. Similarly, Yakub has not apologized for the creation of white people, nor has Prometheus apologized for the creation of people in general. Worst of all, Jim Henson has never apologized for creating The Muppets, the only form of sentient life not made in God’s image.

In contrast, due to mounting public pressure, a statement has been released by my parents apologizing for their part in the creation of me.

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RICK IDAHO

is a comedy writer based in Chicago. His hobbies include writing, making people laugh, and sticking it to the man. He is the founder of thedunce.fun and hopes you enjoy it.

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