Disney Announces Live Action Remake of Zapruder Film with Original Cast

BURBANK–Ringa ding ding! Hear that piggies? More remake slop for the cinephile trough. Eat up! In a trite move from the Walt Disney Company, they have announced a live action remake of the Zapruder film with the original cast. Yuck! This movie is just a blatant cash grab. Oh well, I guess we will see how well de-aging technology holds up on corpses. Shouldn’t be too hard since the Star Wars sequels managed to bring Carrie Fisher back from the dead.

When asked what they were thinking with this move, Disney exec Dick Chiggins had this to say “With Pixar films it’s usually like what if toys had feelings? What if cars had feelings? What if feelings have feelings? Ya know? The question this film asks is what if presidential assassination victims had feelings.”

Typical corporate jarg- wait, no, actually that's, like, a good premise. What a strong story. What a powerful thesis. This movie will be genre defining. Academy Award winning writer, director, producer Dink Jibbits, you’ve done it again!

Breaking news here on this story, due to backlash they will no longer be using the original cast and have cast The Rock as Lee Harvey Oswald and JFK will be played by Kevin Hart. Huh, I guess they’re doing a buddy comedy thing.

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RICK IDAHO

is a comedy writer based in Chicago. His hobbies include writing, making people laugh, and sticking it to the man. He is the founder of thedunce.fun and hopes you enjoy it.

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