Chick-fil-A Announces Recall of 10,000 Gay Buns

EVERYWHERE—When Alan Smith, 28, stopped at a Chick-fil-A drive-thru on his way home from work one night, he never suspected it would change his life forever. He was so hungry and so unsuspecting that on the drive home he took a little nibble of his sandwich, but by the time he pulled into his driveway, he was thinking of penis.

And he's not alone.

Cynthia Jenkins, 52, went to Chick-fil-A on her lunch break, but when she got back to her job as head of quality assurance at the melon factory, the melons started to look very squeezable. By the end of her shift, she had squeezed and destroyed over one million dollars' worth of produce. She was fired the next day.

Rudy Giuliani, hopefully dead, was in an alleyway sucking the dicks of ten men when all of a sudden, he started craving a Chick-fil-A spicy chicken sandwich.

What do they all have in common? They were all customers of Chick-fil-A. These people, and thousands of others, were the victims of homosexual thoughts as a result of eating gay buns from the Chick-fil-A corporation.

This is coming on the heels of an investigative report by the failing New York Times last week, which found that Chick-fil-A subjected its homosexual chickens to an ineffective conversion therapy that left them merely bicurious, causing outrage among several prominent Christian groups.

Chick-fil-A sent out a press release stating they are not liable for any gay thoughts, feelings, and/or actions resulting from the ingestion of their foods, as stated by a disclaimer they have been printing on the bottom of every receipt since 1972.

"We are sorry for the trouble this may have caused you or your families," said one spokesperson for the company, going on to explain, "we thought it best to ignore the details because that's where the devil is."

Meet the Writer!

RICK IDAHO

is a comedy writer based in Chicago. His hobbies include writing, making people laugh, and sticking it to the man. He is the founder of thedunce.fun and hopes you enjoy it.

Help support independent artists!

Click to tip the writer!

More

Get Involved!

Subscribe to our newsletter!

Support Independent Comedy Now! Donate to thedunce.fun!

Follow us!

Donate now, pay later with Klarna!