Balloon Depicting Yo Momma Deemed Too Large For Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade

New York, NY—Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade lineup is set to be significantly lighter this year after the excision of an absolutely massive balloon depicting yo momma. Scientists noted that due to the extraordinary rotundness of the balloon’s form, it would be unable to pass through the buildings on the parade route, not to mention the effect its size is having on the local tides. #RIPStatenlantis. Luckily, the balloon’s makers had the good sense to make the balloon 1/10th the scale, else we’d surely be pancaked by her ginormous tuchus. A lot to be thankful for today.

In fact, yo momma’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Balloon is so big, whales try to humpback on it. Yo momma’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Balloon is so big it ended the helium shortage. Now there’s just no more helium. Yo momma’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Balloon is so big a crackpot 19th century inventor used it to travel around the world in eighty days, and that's all according to official reports.

Yo momma, still serving time in prison for sitting on and crushing the former state of East Dakota, declined to comment unless bribed with twinkies, but that only resulted in comments about how good the twinkies were.

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RICK IDAHO

is a comedy writer based in Chicago. His hobbies include writing, making people laugh, and sticking it to the man. He is the founder of thedunce.fun and hopes you enjoy it.

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