Archeologists Discover Evidence of First Ever Recorded Joke of all Time

BAGHDAD—Archeologists at the University of Baghdad recently announced the discovery of the first recorded joke of civilization.

As of press time, researchers were increasingly enthusiastic that this joke may well have been funny.

Discovered in a cave on the side of Mt. Sufi outside the perimeter of current day metropolitan Iraq is where an ancient ancestor of ours stood up to the wall with a grand new idea and painted.

Anthropological translators theorize that 30,000 years ago, these cave paintings speculatively mean, “Man bonks other man with stick.”

Researchers imagine cavemen predecessors gazing upon these images and surely must have cracked a smile, or perhaps a primitive form of a chuckle.

This advent was a new horizon in the development of the human psyche.

USING WHAT WE KNOW

Cavemen could have responded to their immediate surroundings by making observations and criticisms thereof.

By telling each other these jokes, they were attempting to warn their fellow tribe members of prescient and alarming dangers – all too real – as a way of coping with these harsh realities.

“I tripped on a fallen log, and I fell in this cave,” said senior researcher Doctor Sandra Subtlety, as she translated a script, “Rock, river, tree.”

NOT WHAT THEY INTENDED

Upon this discovery of humor, the terrans excitedly experimented with it — the hottest thing since fire.

These tools later agglomerated into the earliest gatherings of stand up comedy.

Researchers found that while most of the joke telling Cromagnon-Neanderthal Tribe of Comedians wanted to impress women, they mostly sequestered themselves in male-dominated Open Campfires.

At those Open Campfires, this Tribe attempted to make other Cavemen laugh, often to no avail.

Despite their miserable world they clung to each other to fight against everlasting loneliness. This behavior is likened to other caveman group activities such as karaoke and kick rock.

“That's where our first real jokester comes in,” said Harrison Jamesworthy, adjunct at the University of Wyoming. “All these other cavepersons were telling stories and anecdotes.”

He points to an image of a caveman standing in front of a tired bunch. Our Cavemedian, gets up there like a real professional, and does Setup Punchline.

ARTIFICIAL HUMOR INTELLIGENCE TOOLS TO FIND OUT IF IT WAS FUNNY

Sandra Subtlety and her team invented new tools to rediscover these old laughs – to determine if they were funny or not.

Berries, Mouth, Waterfall - Squirrel, pants, run – Wooly Mammouth, excrement, wind and the classic Bonk Bonk - Who there?

The results came back inconclusive. “We’ll have to check with Rick.” Sandra reports.

GOING DEEPER

Psychonaught and ancient alien researcher, Terry McGenna takes a rip off a spliff and gains further insight into the origins of humor.

“Yes, we have discovered the earliest recording of a joke. But what if humor is an intrinsic attribute of the Universe itself? The Big Bang was actually the Great Giggle.”

Meet the Writers!

DOUGLAS CAMPESE AND JACOB GOLDBAS

Doug Campese and Jacob Goldbas are writing partners based in Brooklyn and Washington DC and love each other very much. Jacob won the DCJCC Award for Writing in 2013.

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